A gray and misted morning
Shines through the window blinds
And daunts me off the pillow
In whispers soft, unkind
Adrift in colors yet unseen,
Bright shouts in dull ears forming.
I don't know where I've been so far,
And can't see where I'm going.
Unfelt, unheard, unsung it plays,
A song within my mind:
Jarring and cautious melody
Wrung from God's hands to mine.
Still hollowed out within my soul
Stand walls too numb to feel.
They haunt with regularity,
Rhythmic, uneven keel.
The void is far and wide today
Yawns in my face anew
Pulls me into its depths so deep
Numbs me, my mind, to sleep.
It's here that I must start again,
Its sorrow calls my name.
This day! Now! Start anew! it pleads
Again again again.
I lift my head, succumbed its voice
Know it won't let me be.
Determined I must face my fears,
head on, unwavering.
Unworthy and Anxiety
Stand off with butcher's knife
A tug of war within my soul
maul, silent prayer, me.
God!
Will hope and strength and courage
onto my soul! To be!
Shred my old fears of emptiness
Of numbness so complete.
I lie and wait for change to come
This subtle shift within
to melt life's blood inside my veins,
make day worthwhile again.
But where to turn,
toward what light hidden within the burn?
My heart's aflame
My mind, a cane of straw to break
in whispers old and stern.
And still untold!
My story
Hidden from view so cruel
Torn from child's flesh buried within
Sweet cradle, black, untrue
And out of sight you've stayed again,
Stayed unbeknownst to me!
Yet still I search both high and low,
In damned wish to break free.
Oh leave me be!
To live or die, to love or not awhile
Torturous breath of air alone
This life nor love beguiled.
And mist settles so silently
Around my shoulders tight
A cloak I wear and wear it well
deep, far into this night.
(c) 2017Iris B. Struller